honey.baby.darling

Fri, 12 Oct 2007 10:10:27 GMT

this is going to blossom so beautifully. no one will even know what to think.

Thu, 27 Sep 2007 18:42:38 GMT

deleted thaaat. i dont know why. i wrote it and thats all i needed. but i feel a lot of guilt or i know i should feel bad for some things. but i dont. i dont want to hurt anyone. i just dont want to deal with thier drama. almost on instinct i think of dealing with certain situations by being kinda hurtful. but maybe ide feel better if i was nice? both ways would be honest.oh welly well.

Thu, 28 Jun 2007 00:29:15 GMT

im getting my first apartment and i couldnt be more happy. its reallly nice and everything is going good. siiiiiiiiiiccckkk. moving in this sunday.

Sun, 24 Jun 2007 18:04:58 GMT

haha. things can go uphill fast.

Fri, 15 Jun 2007 21:50:26 GMT

things can go downhill fast. =(

Mon, 11 Jun 2007 10:31:05 GMT

the johnny thrash album is going really well. it feels like the freshest thing ive done in a long time or even heard in a long time. who wouldve thought? weve come a long way.

Tue, 05 Jun 2007 05:16:38 GMT

have some substance and consistency and that would be greeeeeeeeeat. until then ill do my best to ignore you.
also im moving again. its been a wierd week and at first i was sad but now i dont really care. i just want to finish the johnny thrash album and get out. i geuss ill miss it when its gone. i have good friends and a good job and for once i feel responsible and lively. maybe this is a bad decision. ramona makes me anxious.

hey um hey um heyyyyy

Thu, 17 May 2007 20:35:25 GMT

dear diary,
your all faggots.
im moving back to ramona fortunately and unfortunately.
i have an amazing job right now that im giving up and im not sure if thats a good idea.
and what the fuck is wrong with people sometimes?
love,
Bowen L. Stidger-Connelly

Sat, 24 Mar 2007 08:36:35 GMT

dear diary

i like a girl

Sat, 10 Mar 2007 10:52:35 GMT

give me an iv of information. you blink for a second and every thing is sppeding past you. what the fuck is going on?

Wed, 21 Feb 2007 23:43:22 GMT

eh. stuff is good. stuff sucks. everything has been pretty posative. im never satisfied though.

Tue, 30 Jan 2007 11:24:07 GMT

get yo self an education

Wed, 24 Jan 2007 04:56:27 GMT

i have things to sell. people to love. amd music to write. im generally happy. i need to work out more. i fell off the wagon. i need to cut and dye my hair. i need about $1200. im moving in march. i need to make a few more shirts so i can start selling them. i just started school again. gay. also, salvia should be illegal. ferserious. thats everything in a nutshell. time to go to worky work.

Sun, 24 Dec 2006 05:16:25 GMT

im still what the fucking about last night. amazing.

death sex is the best sex

Tue, 05 Dec 2006 10:22:13 GMT

this is something i wrote while inebriated (sp?) on sleep deprivation early octoberish. while i was writing this some kid who was either retarted or obsessive compulsive kept walking in a loop that passed me every 30 seconds. it was really odd. i could tell that he was counting each of his steps as he did this and he was making sure he didnt step on any cracks. i asked him if he was ok and he said that he was just "rehearsing for a class". he said it with shifty eyes and like he had said it in his head a million times in case some asked. i could tell that me talking to him had made him uncomforatable and he tryed to keep doing the loop but it didnt feel right because i had disturbed him. so he left to undoubtedly walk in an obsessive loop and count his steps while not stepping on cracks somewhere else. just thought i would share that.

"in transit"
the heat had seemed sudden but im sure it was just me in my dreary haze of pin prickles, covered by an unecesary amount of clothes which kept me feeling safe and hidden. my mood adapted and i calmed my static undercaptions. i found myself the most surreal flashback of clear warmth. the kind of place where you had to whisper and everything felt heavy with no actual strain. my eyes had been open watching the geography change. the weathered statue of a day had left me with the ability to view deeper things. i saw that you all had the faces of wolves. the devil showed me his perception through images that faded in and out like the state run radio transmission. do you hear the party's crackled voices comrade? you are superior by design and they should just kill themselves. the four corners of thier land should be decorated with reminders that found objects are just that. the new capitol over a mass grave. free of vengeful spirits because you lack one. your bodies set aflame to keep our skies bright and our streets safe. beutiful silver towers rising over the uniform clockwork. we could give you a factory birth with factory friends talking in factory drones. doing lines of ash when the steam whistle blows, we off bread, water and wine on sundays. just please come home with a clean face and clean clothes. please come home.

Fri, 01 Dec 2006 10:09:18 GMT

what is the appeal of coming off like a dumb slutty 12 year old girl if your a guy? im just curious. were you traumatized as a child or something? i dont get it. you must be joking.

i just got ahold of some of brian eno's stuff from the mid 70's. i like it more than the other stuff he did.

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 11:16:09 GMT

here i am. i need to wake up in like 6 hours but im awake anyways. dreading the fact that i have to go to school tommorow. i dont have anything big due. nothing that is going to eat my soul like the 10 page research paper due next teusday that im not even quite sure how to do. i dont like school. the only class that keeps my attention is history. i could listen to history lectures all day for some reason. its funny because i totally space out listening to my history teacher. not in the way that im not paying attention, but in the way that i get so into it that i start visualizing the many historical stories and what the characters look like, or how they talked or treated women. i seriously contemplate the little details of thier character. its rad.

ive become a really picky eater in the last 2 months. i hate eating non organic things. i try not to eat most meat and dairy except for turkey, chicken, fish, and eggs but only if it is not factory farmed. why am i saying this now? because im out of "good" food now and i dont know what to eat for breakfast. there is tons of food in my house but nothing that ill eat. this happens every week and i starve for a couple days. if my parents wanted to kill me they could just quit buying good food. ide eventually just die off and become extinct. true story.

Mon, 20 Nov 2006 06:11:29 GMT

sometimes i just need to play music. and it feels damn good. i wish i could start recording again. im waisting time. someone buy me a laptop, ive got everything else covered.

Sun, 19 Nov 2006 00:13:37 GMT

its like i feel compelled to kill familiar things. i need the new perspective either way. quitting smoking is kind of fun if you like deprivation. i feel kind of loopy and its only been 24 hours. am i in love with someone or am i just in love with an idea? you are the most perfect stranger. i know nothing about you, therefore you still have the power to represent that rapturous red sunset that you watch from the top of a city. that feeling that there is nothing you would rather be doing and nowhere else that you would rather be. maybe thats not it at all. maybe it is more of a seperation from reality. god knows that the world has never seemed that beutiful to me outside of my head. which brings me back to the first thing i said. if reality isnt really that beutiful, than what is the point? its time to kill familiar things.

Sun, 29 Oct 2006 10:17:55 GMT

And she says give me one good reason not to empty the heart of all its zeros and ones,
not to smash that telecaster before it births a thousand useless slums.

Love bit you in the throat while you were staring at the sea.

All the girls in Montreal are smashing skateboards in the street.
It's 4 a.m. and she's at your door with a suitcase, in a nightgown.
We slip through mansions with fences full-grown.
We slip through streetlights in crooked rows.
I saw the sky split in two: one half jealous and one half cruel.
I felt my chest cave in under a pile of synthetic grins.
The fields are Day-Glo under sobbing rainbows dragged through filthy thoughts,

Sat, 28 Oct 2006 09:35:10 GMT

Lovely doves soiled with oil stains
Do you feel that youve been victimized
Or have you been numb too long
Arent you done with coughing on sand and dry air

I want to touch your military muscles
With my fat glittering hands
Wont you kill someone infront of me
while i eat bones and try to get off

Can i touch your military muscles
Women and children, have you seen enough
Do you find my behavior apropriate
Hearing your plane fly over my home is what it takes for me to get off

that last sentance is awfully wordy. It needs to be slimmed down with some good verbs and adjectives.

Good band names:
lovely doves
women and children
the sexlives

im sure they are allready taken but goddammit ill start three new bands just so i can fight in court for the right to own the name

a year in review

Fri, 27 Oct 2006 09:55:15 GMT

3 posts in the last year. wow. i geuss i only post when im compelled to do so. today is my birthday. i could care less. the weather lately has left me pretty inspired. i wait all year for this. i really cant wait to play this show on holloween. im going to put a lot of effort into this and i cant wait. i have a pretty clear view of what i want out of life. ive been working on having healthy habits for the last 2 months. smoking less, eating more, eating completely healthy, drinking only water like its going out of style, attempting to sleep normally, being more social, working out until it hurts daily, giving myself a plan. I have been having the strangest dreams lately. They are so amazing. Its odd how much of my mood is affected by my dreams . Lately there has been this reaccuring character wich i have decided represents hope. I hardly know this person. I wonder how they would feel if i told them that they were making cameo appearances in my dreams nightly haha. fucking odd. i wake up with this feeling that follows me all day. i think its probably the weather and maybe the weather gives me these dreams. So ill try to describe the one that i just had though its a little different from the usual dreams. it still possesed the same euphoria though.

*******long dream warning*********I was walking around what was supposed to be palomar college but the hallways were indoors and it looked more like i was at a harvard type school. All the doors were some rich dark wood. I opened one of these doors because i needed to park my car or move it because it was going to get towed. So from this normal school hall way i opened one of these nice classic school doors which you would assume would go to a classroom or an office but it went to an indoor parking lot. It was reminiscient to the way the indoor parking lot under the movie theatres in hillcrest look but it was all one story. There were tons of people walking around and hanging out in here and there were lots of concrete pillars and walls. This suprised me because i entered this room from a quite hallway. I think a lot of the people were familiar from middle school and high school. now i dont remember what happened next but there was this kid from middle school who always remined me of some sort of dorky adam corolla character only in personality. his name was danny i think. i walked and found a parking spot and this kid said he was going to take it when i went to get my car. all the sudden there was this feeling of panic. so i ran to find my car and couldnt find it. so i either ran or someone drove me to where i thought my car was. the setting morphed to that part of the road where you are driving past mt. woodson. which led to a sunny parkingnlot. i dont remember if i found it but i remembr going back to the school parking structure. This little oval/rectangular white amoeba started following me. It moved realy fast on it little tentacle like feet and it was about the size of my foot. I tried not to freak out and i calmly walked towards the door.by this time everyone was gone to class. I opened the door and shut it real fast but the fucker went through the cracks. now it was kind of aggressive and was going pretty fast towards me i saw some kids come of a door that lead to the dorm rooms which were also attached to this hallway. I didnt ask for help becuase i thought they wouldnt take me seriously or care and i was panicing so i would have been pissed. So i ran into the door that led to some sort of girls bedroom or something and then ran out and down the hallway while this ameoba things was creeping behind me. then i woke up. WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIERD.

Music lately: Prince, soft cell, radiohead, peter murphy's solo stuff, tv on the radio, xiu xiu, and blonde readhead

its comforting

Sun, 01 Jan 2006 23:07:19 GMT

I am truly hurt from this. This is the worst thing that ever happened to me. What is the right thing to do? She is trying to make my life miserable. She wants me to suffer and apparently she wants to scratch my face off. This isnt what you do to someone you love. I never thought it would be me in the same situations my mom and dad went through during thier childhood and teen years. I hate what you do and say to me when your drunk. Why would you tell me that you would lie about something like this. THis is really serious. You can play around with something like this. Why wont you admit that what you did is wrong. How can you even deny it. Where is your conscience? I could forgive you if you would just say that you know what you did was fucked up. I hate you ability to make excuses. You need to stop drinking. YOu hurt me before, but you never learn. It was worse this time. So much worse.

Sun, 04 Dec 2005 09:01:35 GMT

I dont even want to look forward.

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 11:26:12 GMT

I would like to forget today ever happened. It sucked. I still havent came down from the vicoden.....6 hours later. Goddamn!!!!!!!!!!!11