| (no subject) |
[Oct. 12th, 2007|03:07 am] |
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this is going to blossom so beautifully. no one will even know what to think. |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 27th, 2007|10:11 am] |
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deleted thaaat. i dont know why. i wrote it and thats all i needed. but i feel a lot of guilt or i know i should feel bad for some things. but i dont. i dont want to hurt anyone. i just dont want to deal with thier drama. almost on instinct i think of dealing with certain situations by being kinda hurtful. but maybe ide feel better if i was nice? both ways would be honest.oh welly well. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 27th, 2007|05:27 pm] |
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im getting my first apartment and i couldnt be more happy. its reallly nice and everything is going good. siiiiiiiiiiccckkk. moving in this sunday. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 24th, 2007|11:04 am] |
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haha. things can go uphill fast. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2007|02:49 pm] |
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things can go downhill fast. =( |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 11th, 2007|03:28 am] |
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the johnny thrash album is going really well. it feels like the freshest thing ive done in a long time or even heard in a long time. who wouldve thought? weve come a long way. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 4th, 2007|10:09 pm] |
have some substance and consistency and that would be greeeeeeeeeat. until then ill do my best to ignore you.
also im moving again. its been a wierd week and at first i was sad but now i dont really care. i just want to finish the johnny thrash album and get out. i geuss ill miss it when its gone. i have good friends and a good job and for once i feel responsible and lively. maybe this is a bad decision. ramona makes me anxious. |
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| hey um hey um heyyyyy |
[May. 17th, 2007|01:33 pm] |
dear diary,
your all faggots.
im moving back to ramona fortunately and unfortunately.
i have an amazing job right now that im giving up and im not sure if thats a good idea.
and what the fuck is wrong with people sometimes?
love,
Bowen L. Stidger-Connelly |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 24th, 2007|01:35 am] |
dear diary
i like a girl |
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| (no subject) |
[Mar. 10th, 2007|02:50 am] |
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give me an iv of information. you blink for a second and every thing is sppeding past you. what the fuck is going on? |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 21st, 2007|03:40 pm] |
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eh. stuff is good. stuff sucks. everything has been pretty posative. im never satisfied though. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 30th, 2007|03:23 am] |
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get yo self an education |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 23rd, 2007|08:50 pm] |
| [ | PMS |
| |  quixotic | ] |
| [ | JAMS |
| | what is quixotic? | ] |
i have things to sell. people to love. amd music to write. im generally happy. i need to work out more. i fell off the wagon. i need to cut and dye my hair. i need about $1200. im moving in march. i need to make a few more shirts so i can start selling them. i just started school again. gay. also, salvia should be illegal. ferserious. thats everything in a nutshell. time to go to worky work. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 23rd, 2006|09:16 pm] |
| [ | JAMS |
| | prince-sign of the times | ] |
im still what the fucking about last night. amazing. |
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| death sex is the best sex |
[Dec. 5th, 2006|02:22 am] |
this is something i wrote while inebriated (sp?) on sleep deprivation early octoberish. while i was writing this some kid who was either retarted or obsessive compulsive kept walking in a loop that passed me every 30 seconds. it was really odd. i could tell that he was counting each of his steps as he did this and he was making sure he didnt step on any cracks. i asked him if he was ok and he said that he was just "rehearsing for a class". he said it with shifty eyes and like he had said it in his head a million times in case some asked. i could tell that me talking to him had made him uncomforatable and he tryed to keep doing the loop but it didnt feel right because i had disturbed him. so he left to undoubtedly walk in an obsessive loop and count his steps while not stepping on cracks somewhere else. just thought i would share that.
"in transit"
the heat had seemed sudden but im sure it was just me in my dreary haze of pin prickles, covered by an unecesary amount of clothes which kept me feeling safe and hidden. my mood adapted and i calmed my static undercaptions. i found myself the most surreal flashback of clear warmth. the kind of place where you had to whisper and everything felt heavy with no actual strain. my eyes had been open watching the geography change. the weathered statue of a day had left me with the ability to view deeper things. i saw that you all had the faces of wolves. the devil showed me his perception through images that faded in and out like the state run radio transmission. do you hear the party's crackled voices comrade? you are superior by design and they should just kill themselves. the four corners of thier land should be decorated with reminders that found objects are just that. the new capitol over a mass grave. free of vengeful spirits because you lack one. your bodies set aflame to keep our skies bright and our streets safe. beutiful silver towers rising over the uniform clockwork. we could give you a factory birth with factory friends talking in factory drones. doing lines of ash when the steam whistle blows, we off bread, water and wine on sundays. just please come home with a clean face and clean clothes. please come home. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 1st, 2006|02:09 am] |
| [ | JAMS |
| | brian eno- third uncle | ] |
what is the appeal of coming off like a dumb slutty 12 year old girl if your a guy? im just curious. were you traumatized as a child or something? i dont get it. you must be joking.
i just got ahold of some of brian eno's stuff from the mid 70's. i like it more than the other stuff he did. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 30th, 2006|03:16 am] |
here i am. i need to wake up in like 6 hours but im awake anyways. dreading the fact that i have to go to school tommorow. i dont have anything big due. nothing that is going to eat my soul like the 10 page research paper due next teusday that im not even quite sure how to do. i dont like school. the only class that keeps my attention is history. i could listen to history lectures all day for some reason. its funny because i totally space out listening to my history teacher. not in the way that im not paying attention, but in the way that i get so into it that i start visualizing the many historical stories and what the characters look like, or how they talked or treated women. i seriously contemplate the little details of thier character. its rad.
ive become a really picky eater in the last 2 months. i hate eating non organic things. i try not to eat most meat and dairy except for turkey, chicken, fish, and eggs but only if it is not factory farmed. why am i saying this now? because im out of "good" food now and i dont know what to eat for breakfast. there is tons of food in my house but nothing that ill eat. this happens every week and i starve for a couple days. if my parents wanted to kill me they could just quit buying good food. ide eventually just die off and become extinct. true story. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 19th, 2006|10:11 pm] |
| [ | JAMS |
| | my head is buzzing like a behive | ] |
sometimes i just need to play music. and it feels damn good. i wish i could start recording again. im waisting time. someone buy me a laptop, ive got everything else covered. |
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| (no subject) |
[Nov. 18th, 2006|04:13 pm] |
its like i feel compelled to kill familiar things. i need the new perspective either way. quitting smoking is kind of fun if you like deprivation. i feel kind of loopy and its only been 24 hours. am i in love with someone or am i just in love with an idea? you are the most perfect stranger. i know nothing about you, therefore you still have the power to represent that rapturous red sunset that you watch from the top of a city. that feeling that there is nothing you would rather be doing and nowhere else that you would rather be. maybe thats not it at all. maybe it is more of a seperation from reality. god knows that the world has never seemed that beutiful to me outside of my head. which brings me back to the first thing i said. if reality isnt really that beutiful, than what is the point? its time to kill familiar things. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 29th, 2006|02:16 am] |
And she says give me one good reason not to empty the heart of all its zeros and ones,
not to smash that telecaster before it births a thousand useless slums.
Love bit you in the throat while you were staring at the sea.
All the girls in Montreal are smashing skateboards in the street.
It's 4 a.m. and she's at your door with a suitcase, in a nightgown.
We slip through mansions with fences full-grown.
We slip through streetlights in crooked rows.
I saw the sky split in two: one half jealous and one half cruel.
I felt my chest cave in under a pile of synthetic grins.
The fields are Day-Glo under sobbing rainbows dragged through filthy thoughts, |
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